Secret Invasion #5 review

The issue begins with Captain Marvel after his attack on the Thunderbolt's mountain headquarters. He's freaking out that he's a Skrull and Norman Osborn takes advantage of this fact, squeezing his conscience a little for the good guy's side. The Skrulls screwed up in one major regard, making their sleeper agents honestly believe their roles. Next we see Cassie Lang and the Young Avengers in Nick Fury's hide out, receiving a message from all the various Skrull sleeper agents from around the world. Paris Hilton, Magneto, Tom Cruise, Steve Jobs, Barack Obama, Oprah...all Skrulls! Their message is, "We're invading cause you suck. You're inferior, depraved, ignorant, and worst of all you realize it. We're here to make your miserable little lives better." Up in orbit, Abigail Brand takes over a Skrull ship with the real Reed Richards. She shoots the entire crew out the airlocks. Sweet! Reed, unfortunately for her, is pretty severely traumatized by his whole experience what with his brain being poked and prodded to somehow put the Skrull's plan into action. So, he chokes Brand out. Fine by me, not my favorite character. On the SHIELD Helicarrier, Commander Hill is STILL fucking talking to Skrull Jarvis. STILL! FUCKING STILL! But it's soon revealed that that Commander HIll is an LMD. The real Commander Hill has taken up a sniper position, blows a couple of Skrulls away and then activates the self-destruct sequence on the helicarrier, blowing Skrull Jarvis to smithereens. Back in Orbit, Reed Richards is doing his thing when the floating Skrull corpses draw the attention of the rest of the fleet. They start attacking when Captain Marvel shows up and starts ruining shit. Fuck yeah! This gives Brand and Richards time to hightail it back to Earth to rally the good guys. Hopping into the Savage Land, where a mix of New and Mighty and Skrull Avengers (yep, still doing this shit) are mixing it up. Tony Stark is puking his guts out, Black Widow's poitning her guns everywhere, Spidey is freaking out, Kazar is freaking out, fucking everyone is freaking out. What the fuck, what the fuck? Reed Richards shows up and blasts some kinda cannon that causes the Skrulls to shift back to their original forms. All Skrulls are revealed! The short version? It looks like all the people on the ship that crash landed in the Savage Land in issue #1? Yep, all Skrulls. Even Mockingbird. They're all quickly dispatched ruthlessly. Sadly, and ruthlessly. The issue ends with Clint Barton vowing to kill every last Skrull.

So...alright! This issue feels like the story is actually moving somewhere. This is issue five of eight, but it feels like where issue two or three should have ended. It's less then epic the way things are playing out, but I feel that things are actually playing out. The shit with Maria Hill? Could have been done way sooner. The stuff in the Savage Land? Seriously, could have done this much sooner. The Captain Marvel thing? I could have sworn that that was already done in his mini-series, though I never read it. Also, the Vision is seen in this issue. Didn't he have his head blown off a couple of issues back? Must have been fixed in a tie-in. There are some continuity issues here. Oh, and the last page of the last issue? With Thor and Captain America? The page that showed a great deal of promise? Nothing. Nada. Zip. Not a peep from either character in this issue. Secret Invasion: Thor came out this week, sure, but he didn't appear in this issue. Jip!

As the series progresses, this book feels more and more superfluous. Most of Secret Invasion is being told in the tie-ins, and this is the anchor series. But as the series progresses, the main title doesn't feel so anchor-y. This title should stand on its own and it's clearly not. It still ratchets back and forth between disconnected events. Savage Land, helicarrier, Thunderbolts mountain...sure, now we're seeing those little bits tie together after a fashion, but slightly so. Brand, Richards and the Savage Land crew are together, but that it's taken five issues to get to this point seems like a complete waste. I'm loving the whole Secret Invasion concept in regards to the tie-ins, but this main title is proving to be...not so good.

Now there are things I did like. Maria Hill blowing up the helicarrier. Finally! Kill them fucking Skrulls! Captain Marvel attacking the Skrull Armada. very bad ass. Reed Richards revealing the Savage Land Skrulls? Awesome. Actually, that whole scene was the best moment in this series thus far. That scene, when they're taking out all the Skrulls, is intense. They know the score, but they're minds are so fucked with they take no satisfaction. Clint? Oh, poor Clint. Felt bad for the Skrulls as well. They didn't even know. As I said before, they honestly believed they were who they were and died thinking it was all some sort of trick. This scene hit the right notes, but it's a shame it took this long to get to this point. The problem with all these scenes of bad ass is, because it has taken so long, is the energy that should come with these little beats is drained. Yeah, it's always cool to see the heroes start kicking some ass after getting whomped, but faster please? It might read better in collected form, but in a monthly format no so much.