Saturday, June 28, 2008

The Ultimates 3 #4 review

So I went and bought it...

First, let me say Jeph Loeb has written probably one of my favorite comic stories of all time and have a great respect for him.

Given that, he's also managed to write some of the silliest stuff ever put to print. For example, everything he did with Rob Liefeld's Awesome Comics. That stuff, however, was generally meant to be over the top.

With The Ultimates...I never really was sure what to expect. I hadn't read the first two series and I was pretty much picking this one up based on the fact that Joe Madureira was doing the art. With the first issue I was like, okay, whatever, it's a start. It was pretty much all downhill from there for me. I really can't say why I was bothering to pick this series up after issue one. Sheer stupidity I suppose. I was flipping through my friend's issue Wednesday evening and was just astounded by how awful some of the dialogue was. Just jaw droppingly bad. I thought, yeah, best to just give up. Save $3 bucks and change. It's not worth it. Yet I was so fucking compelled to pick this stupid thing up.

It's safe to say that this series is a testament to the complete failure of the creative mind. I mean this is probably the worst thing ever put to paper. This and Loeb's Hulk series really should be disavowed from Marvel continuity. I mean just completely rejected. Shunned. Cast out.

So why in the holy hell am I still pissing my hard earned money away?

Cause it's just that bad. It breaks the stupid barrier. It is the very definition of awful and for this it shall be praised.

That someone actually sat down and took the time to conceive it is a wonder to behold. It's like I can see Jeph Loeb, having given up on life, doing his best to spite the humanity and sunder the creative spirit. Every issue is a disconnected series of events we are led to believe is a story, plotted and everything, with a conclusion that leads to bigger events. There's this thing going on with The Scarlet Witch's dead body being abducted by Magneto. Venom showed up. So did Wolverine. They fight Sabretooth and Juggernaut in this issue. There's some drama. Some characters are androids for some reason. Oh, and apparently Wasp and Ant Man have a son. A surprise to the reader, yes, but a bigger surprise to...Wasp? No shit! Ya think she would have remembered that. And then their son, Yellowjacket, his dialogue...lemme quote part of his speech at the end where he is surrounded by the android Ultimates. "They think of us as toasters - - Alarm clocks - - And vibrators. But when the war between man and mutant is settles - - and most of the human population is dead, only then will they realize - - The machines have already won."

Dear sweet mother of God! Vibrators? Who? What? Was this conceived by the mind of man? What the fuck?

But it's so's so fucking awful that I can't give it up. I find myself looking forward to what is possibly the shittiest book ever made. I really can't bring myself to think of a reason that could possibly justify this book's existence. Madureira? No, no, I used to think he was cool when I was younger, yeah, but I had really bad taste back then too. I also lost a lot of respect for the guy when it took him too many years to release nine issues of Battle Chasers before completely abandoning the project and ditching comics altogether. He really is the laziest, most shiftless comic artist of all time. That he's even gotten four issues of this book out in however many months it has been is a fucking miracle. That he made such a huge name for himself in such a short period of time all while spiting the fans is a sad commentary on society. I thought it would be interesting to see how his style has evolved since the last time he drew a comic book and, well, I can't say the results are pretty. His conception of the human form is only tangentially related to the real thing. Honestly? If people like that existed in real life? I really would support active genocide against them. Such abominations should not be allowed to exist. Though I can see why Loeb would enjoy working with the guy (as well as Ed McGuiness). Madureira manages to stretch what is essentially a ten page story across five issues. That's an impressive talent!

But I'm being harsh.

Is this book worth the money? No.

Pick it up anyway?

Oh hell yes.

This book is pure in its suck. I recommend, once the last issue is released, whenever that might be, that you separate the issues. I believe collecting them in a single row will cause them to collapse in on themselves creating an inescapable black hole of pure godawfulness that not even the most decent and good can escape.


Post a Comment

<< Home