Saturday, May 03, 2008

Iron Man

I liked it well enough.  Dialogue was horrible.  I hate that improv'd chatter nonsense that pop film makers love so much.  Horrible.  Not as bad as the dialogue in Transformers but it gets close.  All the characters were great, until they started acting out of character and act like idiots.  Gwyneth Paltrow is hot.  She really pulled off Pepper Potts until the climax when she became a useless ditz.  The action was pretty good.  Too bad they only use the red and gold suit like twice.  The left-wing culture war shit was tedious.  Saw exactly where the film was going in the first five minutes.  Yeah, yeah, weapons manufacturers play both sides, warmongering profiteers, yada yada yada.  That would explain the glowing reviews, play to the lefty critics and come out on top.


Did I mention the characters?  Robert Downey Jr was Tony Stark.  I mean that was awesome.  The moments when he's designing the suit in captivity, or re-designing it in his lab, those are the moments that are just too cool.  They do the slick FX stuff for slickness and effect but it comes off as really cool.  You really could buy Downey as a super genius busting his ass and brains to pull this shit together.  Honestly, they should have just made it all about that and called the movie Robert Downey Jr Busts His Ass and Brains to Pull Shit Together.  It would end with him completing the armor and shouting, "Who is John Galt?" right before having hot rough monkey sex with Gwyneth Paltrow for 15 minutes while shattering whiskey glasses left and right.  Oh, also whiskey is the costar of this movie.  I swear that few scenes pass without anyone having a casual drink.  Speaking of which, the product placement was fucking absurd.  Getting back from captivity, Downey says, "First thing I want is an American cheeseburger!"  Not more then two seconds later someone walks up with a bag of Burger King burgers for Downey to start wolfing down.  It's hysterical.

The armor was bad ass.  I loved the clunky cave armor.  Honestly, if the entire movie was about him escaping captivity in that armor I would have massive fanboy boner.  In fact, now that I think of it, that's the movie they should have made cause quite frankly that was the best part of the movie.  Seeing Downey pound the shit out iron and forging the mask...pounding and forging with VENGEFUL ANGER...while dwelling on the 5,000,000,000,000 different ways he was gonna kill the terrorists was great.  (Actually I kinda wish I knew how to make that into an animated .gif.)  The red and gold armor was slick too.  Oh, the program that runs is is called Jarvis.  Cute.

But yeah, it's good enough that you'll have good time with a crowd.  It's not perfect, I mean Marvel has yet to top their Spider-Man movies, but just sit back and have fun.  It's ludicrous in so many ways and it does have its inconsistencies but nothing that will detract too much.

My one complaint is the theater.  Now, the movie was, for the first time in a while, in focus.  Shock!  But the sound was turned down.  The fuck?  The sound when off when they started running those stupid Cinemark First Look ads but when it came back on it never came back full volume.  It didn't even sound like it was in surround.  That did take away from the movie.  This was a movie that definitely needed loudness.  Loud loudness, for the loudly exploding things.  This made me sad.

Overall score, 3.5/5.


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